Kizomba is a beautiful African dance originating in Angola where the partners move in very close contact with each other. An outsider looking at that dance may describe it as sexual whereas the kizomba dance community would describe it as sensual. What is the difference? The word sexual refers to intimate physical contact or acts connected to physical attraction. Unless mutually agreed upon by the dance partners, being sexual in a dance would be frowned upon and not considered to be proper dance etiquette. In contrast, the word sensual is more about gratification of the senses, embodying the music with your movements while having the connection and trust with your partner. Being sensual in a dance does not mean that you are physically attracted or trying to be attractive to your dance partner. One’s perception of the “sexiness” of a dance does depend on their comfort level in doing certain body movements and their understanding about the particular dance genre.
Those thinking about entering into the kizomba dance scene would benefit from taking classes from an experienced kizomba instructor. The instructor will give you guidance on posture and frame and where the proper points of connection are with your partner. Some of what you see on the dance floor is not proper form. For example, in kizomba, the main point of connection is the chest, and there should not be any connection in the groin area. An instructor would also show you how to execute moves in a safe manner. There are technical moves that, if not implemented properly, could potentially injure your partner so proper technique is key. The sensuality of kizomba comes from its flow, the fluid connection between partners dancing as one with the music.
Of course, there are always some “bad apples” who will try to use the closeness of the dance to make a move on someone they find attractive. The sensuality of kizomba is lost when both partners can no longer enjoy the moment. If anyone feels uncomfortable or unsafe at any point during the dance, they should just stop dancing and tell someone about it. There should never be a time where a dance partner can feel someone’s “manhood”. As dancers, we should be aware of signs of our partners feeling uncomfortable with the degree of closeness (pulling away, increased tension) or with the use of certain moves so that we can make the proper adjustments to increase the comfort level. Please don’t ever tell your dance partner how sexy they are or stare at them while dancing. That is just creepy!
It is important that we all work together to make the social dance community a place where everyone feels safe and supported. Focus on listening to your partner and making them feel comfortable so that everyone enjoys the experience. A smile also goes a long way to creating a fun and welcoming environment!
